[SPOILERS] The Last Jedi – The not really Star Wars movie

Well, first things first: Star Wars 8 is not really Star Wars. The only thing that it has in common with the old movies, are several of the original actors. But that’s about it then.

WARNING: This post contains spoilers. If you haven’t seen Star Wars Episode 8 – The Last Jedi yet, don’t read it. If you have, or don’t care about it that much, then go ahead and see what I want to tell you about the latest reboot. 

My Background:

I grew up with Star Wars. I was around the age of 7 when I first saw Episode 4 with my uncle. When the golden text flew past the screen and then the camera swang down to unfold the view on the Tantive 4 – the ship Leia used to escort the plans of the deadly imperial weapon; the deathstar – I was obsessed. In the next few days I binge-watched the other movies. The story of Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie, C3PO, R2D2, Vader, Lando and all the others suddenly became a part of my life. I think to a degree where one can say, that they influenced my way of thinking and surely huge chunks of my understanding of moral. The movies George Lucas created had a huge impact on my life.

When Lucas turned the Star Wars IP over to Disney, fans worldwide were in fear, that the new owner would turn everything to the bad. Well, not everything is just bad – I liked Episode 7 and I liked the Rogue One spin-off, but with Episode 8, things are changing.

Things I didn’t like about Star Wars 8:

1. Humor:

The type of humor Disney is trying to implement maybe is just not really my style. For me the characters are exaggerated and they don’t fit the jokes they got scripted. The scene where Poe pretends to be on the holding line before talking to Hux was cringy and way too long to just be a giggle. And it doesn’t stop there. The whole movie was plotted with unfunny and cringy jokes which all had nothing to do with the kind of humor of the original movies. Episode 8 seemed childish and silly.

2. Conversations

Mos Eisley Spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.

– Obi-Wan Kenobi, Episode 4

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.

– Leia Organa, Episode 4

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

– Darth Vader, Episode 4

Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes.

– Darth Vader, Episode 4

You see those quotes and you will instantly link them to the movie scene they are taken from. I bet you. This results to an easy psychologic basic. Things said in a very emotional moment, are most likely being burnt into your memory. Which leads me to Episode 8. Do you remember a specific sentence that has been said? I for myself do not. If we then take in account, the pyschologic thesis I just introduced you to, this leads me to the claim, that there are no memorable scenes in Star Wars 8 – The Last Jedi. A rude claim, I know.

3. Fighting

Was there even fighting? Well, let’s ignore the fighting that resulted in the unworthy killing of Snoke – one of the most promising characters introduced in Episode 7. No memorable lightsaber fight, the space battles were poor and what was the casino part even about? Oh my, don’t get me started on that one.

4. Princess Leia

I did a whole post on Facebook on Princess Leia / General Organa when Carrie Fisher died. To make things short: Leia was one of the women that influenced my life and tought me things. I always looked up to her. When the scene came on, where Leia was bombed out of her ship – I thought to myself “Oh well, this is how they do it.” I was curious about that final scene. I wanted Disney to write her a scene that enables her fans to say farewell to her a last time and with dignity. Leia floating in the endless riches of space, to me, sounded like a good deal, but apparently she’s a character they’d still need in the next movie. So with the help of prefilmed material and the technology of CGI, they artificially keeping her alive. This scene got me raging, since it is not just fooling with Leias / Carrie Fishers legacy – it is also; even for Star Wars style of reality; not how the universe works. It even is against the laws of physics in Star Wars.

5. Lukes Death

Dude, what the actual fuck? Why are you guys making him look like a fool throughout the whole movie and then when he finally seems to start growing some balls; you are making him look badass; then he dies for an unknown reason? Like, dying from senility or what? Are you serious? The killing of Han Solo in Episode 7 was unworthy already but – to me – still acceptable in order to develop Kylo Ren into an interesting character who killed his father, but killing Luke like this is going to far.

Luke Skywalker was the center character for the original three Star Wars movies. He was the likable person whose development we, as Star Wars fans were following. Even if you disregard that, he was introduced to the new movies, as the last Jedi – a religion the whole franchise is based on. You are killing the Jedi but want to go on selling the franchise? Are you fucking kidding me again? Luke will be coming back in Episode 9 because you need him, to sell the movie. Quote me on that. But his death is ridiculous. I don’t know the reasons, but this and all the points I made before sound to me like you had to save on the salary for the script writers in order to pay off Abrams’ silly lens flare effects.

What I liked tho…

The porgs are cute.

What now?

I really hope that the Star Wars IP is not lost at this point. I really hope that people at Disney can still manage to get this shit under control and surprise me with a good reboot. In regards to Episode 8 – they should fire their writers and redo the whole movie. Everything was so in line when Lucas still controlled the canon and told authors what they can do and what not.

At the current state of things, books, games and all other Star Wars related creations are worthless. If you really wanted to create a different Star Wars, Disney, you should have just opened up a new universe, with new characters and everything and left the old characters untouched with your silly and pathetic new scripts, so the real fan can still decide if they wanted to pick up the new movies or not.


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